Anakin is a Witch
by CrazyTenor42
Summary: Obi-Wan hates Halloween. The Halloween industry on Coruscant has gotten out of hand. Mermaid, slutty cops, giant pumpkins and walking M&Ms...and of course his ridiculous Padawan had to try them all. A typical Halloween for Obi-Wan, Ahsoka, and Anakin.
1. Chapter 1

A/N:For skygawker. Halloween themed! (I gave up trying to make it Star Wars-themed). Sexy healer doesn't sound as good as sexy nurse. :)

* * *

Obi-Wan woke up while his hands were roughly being handcuffed to his bed frame. He looked warily around for Anakin, and immediately noticed two disturbing facts. The handcuffs were a flimsy plastic and the blinking screen of his datapad read October first. He groaned; this year Obi-Wan had been hoping Anakin forgot his childish notions to celebrate Halloween. Clearly he was wrong.

Anakin stepped out of the fresher in an obscenely tight Courscanti Security uniform. The navy material was cheaply crafted, but clung to Anakin's figures in a way that left nothing to the imagination. Anakin pulled out an equally cheesy security badge, shining gold paint already chipping, and smirked.

"Sir, you are under arrest."

Obi-Wan resisted the urge to roll his eyes and decided to play along.

"For what?"

"Uh…because…um…you broke the law."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"You've – you've…been bad."

And there went any possible interest he might have held in this. As attractive as Anakin looked in the costume, Obi-Wan was not becoming a part of this bad Holo-porno. He pulled his hands free from the handcuffs and hurried out of the bedroom.

"Go 'arrest' someone else."

"But I bought this costume for you."

"Not interested."

Anakin gave him a sulky look and then pulled open his closet. One costume down, a few dozen left to go.


	2. Chapter 2

Obi-Wan tripped over a rather smugly grinning pumpkin and stumbled into a tangle of cobwebs before he finally made his way through the rest of the decorations to find his kitchen. Anakin and Ahsoka were already sitting around the table – decorated with a black tablecloth covered in white and orange confetti.

"I see you two have already decorated. Even the Jedi younglings do not celebrate this holiday."

"Exactly! You've been depriving us!"

"We'll clean it up after Halloween," Ahsoka promised.

"Make sure you do. I was finding cobwebs for months last year."

"Spoilsport."

"I call it maturity." He pulled a teacup from the cupboard and jumped backwards, cursing, as a skeleton came crashing down on him.

Ahsoka put out a hand. "Told you he wouldn't scream."

Anakin handed over a few credits. "No one likes a know-it-all, Snips."

"I hate you both," Obi-Wan mumbled. He thankfully found the rest of his cabinets surprise free. He settled down on a seat furthest from Ahsoka and Anakin, hoping he could get some relaxation before he had to face another Council meeting.

Ahsoka was staring at him, a hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter.

"Padawan Tano, can I help you with something?"

"Enjoyed Skyguy's vampire costume?"

Obi-Wan choked.

"I – what?"

Ahsoka pointed at the two marks in Obi-Wan's neck. Obi-Wan glared at Anakin, who simply grinned.

"Just thought you might want to know before the Council meeting, Master."


	3. Chapter 3

When Anakin and Ahsoka came back to the apartment the previous day with their arms filled with bags of Halloween candy, Obi-Wan had immediately protested. Both of them endured a lecture about how Jedi were not supposed to have such luxuries in excess, how ridiculous it was that the two of them were expecting to finish off so much chocolate and sweets in just a month, and how neither of them needed the extra sugar.

_"Absolutely not. Did you two spend your month's stipends on candy?"_

_ "It's Halloween. You can't go without candy on Halloween."_

_ "Halloween isn't for three weeks." _

_ "We won't eat it all," Ahsoka promised, "we'll make it last until Halloween."_

_ "I doubt it. If you get sick, Anakin, don't say I didn't warn you."_

Anakin and Ahsoka just politely nodded, shoved as many bags as they could into the cabinets, and then headed off for a few quick sparring sessions. They returned to find Obi-Wan miserably curled up on the couch, two empty bags of candy besides him.

"What happened to 'don't eat so much, Anakin, you'll be sick.' "

"And I clearly proved my point."

"We could have bought you some, Master. Anakin said you wouldn't want any."

"If he thought that," Obi-Wan moaned, "he wouldn't have bought what he knew was my favorite."

"He failed to mention that."

"I have to get him in the Halloween spirit somehow."

"Yeah, he looks real cheerful, Skyguy."

"That isn't my fault!" Anakin protested. "I can handle a lot of sugar, how was I supposed to know he can't!"

"Does this mean we can eat as much as we want?"

Anakin shrugged. "As long as you don't give it to Obi-Wan, Snips."

"He only eats the plain chocolates. Those are nowhere as good."

"Could we not talk about food?" Obi-Wan muttered, wrapping his hands around his stomach. Anakin's gaze softened.

"Sorry, Master. Come on, you should be in bed." Anakin carefully slipped his arms underneath Obi-Wan and carried him to their room. He pulled off Obi-Wan's boots and outermost layers before settling him under the covers. Anakin sat next to him, fingers tracing small circles on Obi-Wan's stomach.

"I should have worn the M&M costume today."

Obi-Wan threw up on his pillow.


	4. Chapter 4

"Padme is having a Halloween party tonight. She invited us."

"We can go for a few hours."

"It's costume only."

"Take Ahsoka."

"Obi-Wan, please, I told Padme you would be coming with me. I got you a costume, it's simple."

He pulled out a red velvet bathrobe, lined in black fabric, with a small rabbit insignia. It did seem simple enough. Obi-Wan was grateful it was not some horribly elaborate couples costume Anakin expected them to wear.

"This is it?"

"That's it," Anakin promised, "just the robe."

"Fine. What are you wearing?"

Anakin grinned.

"I can't spoil the surprise."

Obi-Wan hated surprises.

* * *

Anakin's costume for the party was a barely-there, black, skin-tight body suit along with a white bunny tail and ears. Obi-Wan had no idea who or what Anakin was supposed to be, but thought it best not to ask. Everyone at the party seemed to know, judging by the whispers and stares they were getting. Anakin got lost in the crowd almost immediately and Obi-Wan took his usual place in a corner. Padme found him after several minutes and made her way through the crowd.

"How did Anakin manage to get you into that?"

"Relative to previous years, this was my best option, Senator. It saves me the trouble of arguing with him."

She giggled, "I think it wins best couple costume of the night."

Obi-Wan started to wonder how much Padme had been drinking. He and Anakin didn't come close to matching. He had no reservations about making his relationship with Anakin public, he just drew the line at announcing it with costumes.

"I had no idea you were the possessive one," Padme continued. "Anakin does not allow himself to be seen as 'owned' very often. His trust in your is extraordinary."

Obi-Wan was beyond confused. "I believe you are mistaken, Mi'lady. I'm in a bathrobe and Anakin is…a bunny stripper."

"Oh," Padme's eyes widened and she started to laugh again, "you don't know?"

"What?"

"I thought all men, even Jedi, knew Playboy!"

Oh dear. Obi-Wan knew vaguely of it, the magazines Garen and Quinn smuggled into the Temple that were filled with nothing but degrading pictures of naked women for them to fantasize over it. He was not ashamed in saying he flipped through one magazine half-heartedly and then disposed of it.

Padme was doing her best to keep her composure. Clearly, Obi-Wan had no idea what she was talking about. His naivety was rather endearing, Padme hated to be the one to strip him of that. She tried to think of the simplest way to tell him. She settled on an overly shortened, but not inaccurate statement.

"Anakin is a Playboy bunny and you, well, you're the head playboy."

Obi-Wan stormed over to Anakin, grabbed him furiously by the arm and pulled him out the door.

"Thanks for coming," Padme called after them. Her guests looked at her questioning and she merely shrugged. Let them come up with their own conclusions, they would be more interesting than the truth anyway.

* * *

Obi-Wan dragged Anakin back to their quarters before shouting at him. "Playboy?! What were you thinking? You decided to make it seem that I only – that I use you for sex?"

"It's a Halloween costume. No one cares that much."

"I care, Anakin! If that is what you think of me – "

Anakin put a finger on Obi-Wan's lips. " – it isn't."

"It is degrading! I do not own you or pay you for a relationship!"

"It isn't degrading," Anakin said quietly, pulling Obi-Wan into a hug, "I belong to you, no payment involved. Everyone knows it. I _wanted _to wear this."

Obi-Wan had no words for that. "I – I was overreacting. I apologize. I didn't know you saw it like that."

"Yeah…I didn't. I only picked the costume because my legs look kriffing _amazing _in this."

Obi-Wan stormed off, leaving a rather nice mark in Anakin's "amazing" leg.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: It says complete, but I might add more as the day goes on. :)

* * *

"This is blackmail."

"Think of the greater good, Master. Think of those poor children."

"Why can't you have Ahsoka do it?"

"She didn't want to."

"Neither do I!"

"But I don't have pictures of Ahsoka dressed as a giant pumpkin."

"Fine."

* * *

And that was how General of the Republic, Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi ended up sitting on a rock in the middle of Coruscant, his legs stuck in a ridiculously glittery tail. All for a Halloween charity event that Anakin was supposed to be helping with. Obi-Wan couldn't decide what was worse – sitting here pretending to be a mermaid to amuse the younger children, or the entire Temple knowing Obi-Wan had dressed up like a pumpkin.

Anakin was adjusting the seaweed around his rock.

"Kinda hairy for a mermaid, can I shave – "

"No!"

"Fine, fine. Ahsoka's reading stories and I'm serving food if you need us."

"What do you plan on me doing? Walking over to you?" Anakin had glued the waist of the tail around Obi-Wan to prevent it from slipping. It also meant Obi-Wan couldn't walk or remove his fins without help.

"Yell. Or sing. Do whatever mermaids do, I don't know." Obi-Wan threw a conch shell at his head as he walked away. As much as he hated this stupid idea, it did seem Anakin had a good idea. Children started to swarm around Obi-Wan, curiously poking his scales and asking him questions.

"How did you get here?"

_Anakin dragged me. _ "A sailor brought me in."

"Can I touch a scale?"

"Will you sing for us?"

"You're too old for a merman."

"Silly, boys can't be mermaids."

"Why don't you have a bra?"

He took it back. This was the worst idea Anakin ever had. He was having questions shouted at him nonstop. Most of them weren't even questions anymore. The children had been enchanted with the idea of a mermaid and now seemed to be turning against him.

"You have too much hair."

"Are you going to marry Ariel?"

"My mommy says you're not a mermaid, you're a Jedi."

"Do you die without water?"

"Does your lightsaber work underwater?"

"How do you poop?"

Forget Anakin. Obi-Wan would just flop his way out here. He lowered himself off the rock and did his best to try and waddle away. That was when everything went wrong. The kids started crying and screaming.

"The mermaid is leaving!"

Ahsoka ran over from her station to see what was going wrong.

"Master?"

"I will give you my stipends for a month if you can get me out of here," Obi-Wan muttered. Ahsoka put her arm around his waist and started to drag him away. Anakin caught them.

"The mermaid is stealing our storyteller!"

Obi-Wan frantically pushed Ahsoka out of the way and started hopping as fast as he could towards his speeder. Anakin ran forward and tackled Obi-Wan to the ground. A group of children ran over, cheering, and all made themselves comfortable sitting on Obi-Wan's back.

"Sithspit."

Anakin smacked him on the head, the only place not currently occupied by a child. "Not in front of the children."


End file.
